Enkphoto

It was a scorching hot day in July, and I was sitting on a bench in a bad neighborhood in a city in Eastern Europe waiting for my girlfriend to return from the little corner store where she went to buy water.  There was a bus stop close by where some white middle class looking people were waiting in the shade.  But where I chose to sit was on a bench with a bunch of locals who lived there, all their skin dark from spending days working and walking in the sun.  I noticed a few of the locals look at me strange when I sat down and placed my pack on the ground.  No smiles, just suspicious looks.  I nodded and smiled at the older man sitting next to me.  He had deep lines in the weathered skin on his face, and he sort of chuckled and nodded in response.  I had only been in the country a month or so, and was green with ignorance.  I glanced at the bus stop and noticed everyone staring in our direction.  But I was so hot, and so tired from walking that I couldn't do much more than enjoy the shade and rest.  I reached in my pocket and pulled out a cigarette, and when I did I held the pack towards the man sitting next to me.  He smiled and took one, and after I lit mine I handed him my lighter, and he lit his. 

Right around this time my girlfriend came out of the store and evidently watched my interaction with the man.  She came over speaking harshly at me in a jumbled mix of English and Bulgarian, grabbed my hand and pulled me up and away from the corner.  We rushed past the people waiting for the bus who were looking at me strangely and talking amongst themselves.  They were obviously put off by something.  My girlfriend was livid and started telling me not to ever do what I had just done... simply sitting next to stranger and offering them a cigarette was way out of line.  She told me how thieves in the city will consider me a mark, and considering the fact I usually have my camera gear in my pack, this could end really bad if I'm not careful.  Her fear was palpable.  My ignorance was polarizing.

I was raised around Baltimore city, so in any American city I am generally as sharp as a tack.  I used to pride myself on how I could maneuver through dope neighborhoods relatively unnoticed despite my white skin.  But that was another lifetime, which doesn't translate to my current existence in the least bit.  After 3 years living in Eastern Europe, I'm now well aware that I've entered into a completely different world. 

After spending much more time in this city, the sad fact is that the people here are segregated.  That day I was sitting with Muslims, and the people at the bus stops were Orthodox Christians... and here, those two cultures rarely mingle.  I learned alot that day, and now after being here for so long, it just is what it is.  It may not be pretty, but it is reality. 

All of this said, as an American, I still break this unspoken rule.  Fuck all that, we're all human, and what I see here is more and more people breaking that rule everyday.  This is a fascinating country, because it is truly in the midst of breaking down these invisible walls and charging toward unity and liberation.  People protest in the street here alot, and you will sometimes see these people come together.  It's a uniquely beautiful thing. 

It makes me realize how lucky I am to be raised in a free country like America.  I don't see these barriers, to me they are foriegn and ridiculous.  My privelaged conditioning taught me better.  But, had I never stepped out and challenged myself to live in a different country, and soak in the traditions of a foriegn culture, I never would have known just how lucky I am. 

So as you fight amongst yourselves over politics and other bullshit that bears little relevance to your day to day existence, I hope you remember this.  You're lucky to live in the land of freedom, because many places around the world aren't afforded such luxury... and some places, like the one I now call home, are fighting tooth and nail to enjoy what you were so gracefully given upon your birth. 

Don't let the gatekeepers ruin that.  Now, I watch from far away and cringe at what I often see.  It's downright fucking embarrassing.  The greedy old men my father's age are burning down the most beautiful experiment in the history of humanity, all in the name of more, all as a reaction to their fear of having to survive day to day, hand to mouth, like the rest of us.  They fucked it all up, and that's why I left.  I suffered and struggled at the hands of their failure and ignorance enough for one lifetime. 

Finally back and active here on dA. While I'm originally from Baltimore, I'm now an expat living in Sofia, Bulgaria full time with my newly acquired European residence. Exploring the amazing mountains of this side of the world. I also went back to school, switched careers, and am currently working remotely an English teacher tutoring Japanese students online.

Still diligently building my photography portfolio, 15 years and counting now. I've become an avid hiker and traveler. Working on few book ideas currently to try and get published.

I've gotten alot of love upon my return, already getting a DD which is awesome. Thank you very much for the warm welcome back. I'm stoked since the community seems to be alive active again. I still write alot, so in true form I'll drop something I wrote here below.

×Journal entry, early summer '23×

We are on the brink of something.  I can feel it, and I truly think anyone tuned in can as well.  The palpable social tension, the economic rumblings and waivering, and the signs of collapse as the power shifts.  The last great breakthrough, several of which actually, were over 25 years ago when the first facets of modern technology began to influence our day to day lives.  Those of us in our 40s and older watched the introductory phase of this revolution.  Now we are about to see the maturation of the mechanical monsters we created. 

Artificial intelligence has revolutionized every facet of imagery, from photography to digital painting we've watched machines surpass the masters in mere years.  Now it's broken into our language structure, dipping into the unfathomable realm of consciousness, conversation, and writing.  Most people have no idea the what the fallout of this encroachment of our human abilities could be, or the trail of ashes and silence it leaves... but I've been a photographer since the turn of the century, so I know all too well what these progressions can do to an industry.  The advent of digital imagery, and later putting cameras in every single person's pocket has all but killed the working photographers ability to make a living with their skills. 

And now, enter quantum computers and chat bots.  Education is on the brink of being hijacked.  Writers are about to join us photographers on the impoverished side of the tracks.  And God only knows what else. 

A fire burns the fringes first, that's where the flames spread quickly and grow wide and powerful before moving onto the interior.  The artist's have been feeling the heat, but the norm has been too busy working, scrolling, and (since Covid) simply struggling to survive while failing to notice the flames on the horizon.  But they are indeed there, and they are for sure coming, that I promise you.

We are in the midst of a massive global revolution, there's no more arguement about that.  The blending of cultures into one is something that we haven't seen yet, and something that it's infinitely conducive to the creative.  To draw from an endless well of inspiration is to simply flick your phone on.  Nuclear war is on the tip of people's tongues as history mercilessly repeats the patterns of past centuries.  These are dangerous, yet fascinating times to be alive.

×Leka Nosht×

Now having split my last year between the US and Sofia, I never would have thought I'd be spending so much time in Europe... though there has always been this reoccuring thought in the back of my head that if anyone in my family were to return to our homeland of Italy, it would most certainly be me. The pandemic cast a cloud of tension and bad attitude over the States, and we all watched our cities burn. I was moving around through all of this, and in my corner of the world I watched the cost of renting apartments literally double in the years leading up to the pandemic. As I worked and watched the shortages of product increase, along with the cost of everyday materials multiply, the taste in my mouth grew more tart by the day. Of course, the workers wages have remained the same, and I think I speak for many Americans when I say that our savings have been hit hard, if not completely depleted. All of this put me, and I'm sure many other people, in some tough positions.

The past few years have been a few of the most difficult of my life due to a compounding effect of loneliness, a massive creative block, and existential dread caused by this strange period of history we've found ourselves in. I also found myself living alone and single, entering into my 40's. This left me questioning myself in ways I never have in those four decades on this earth. I had somehow circled back around to close to where I was raised. I found myself low, real low, but then I had a chance encounter that would change everything and eventually lead me here to Eastern Europe.

I love America, and I value our freedom as much as anything in this world, and plenty of time overseas has boosted my gratitude for our culture in a major way. Only after spending this time away I'm able to see that American's are free and wild and blessed to a degree that I never imagined... there's a reason why the best music and most prolific writers, thinkers, and creatives have come from the United States in the last century. I think of those people living in America who are sour on the country and the culture, and it makes cringe with embarrassment. Get over yourself. Get out of your own little world, step out of the country awhile and you'll be singing a different tune real quick. My upbringing was a blessing, and much of my life was a breeze, but this realization, and the gratitude I now have for this was not easy to attain.

All of this being said, I'm a creative in my core, and my sanity depends on a certain amount of personal contentment and positivity surrounding me. Without these things I run a great risk of being sucked into a downward spiral of my own depression, shortcomings, and sensitivities. A few moments with my guard down and I find myself fighting the urge to succumb, settle, and allow myself to live easy and numb. Practicality of the mind will lead any sensible thinker down this path, it's only natural. Luckily, I have a resistance in my head that has always nagged me to keep pushing further and follow my heart.